Sept. 11 will forever be Watch My Sister's Idol Trainee Friends Onlineremembered as the day close to 3,000 Americans were murdered, and Senator Ted Cruz faved a porn video on Twitter.
Many were shocked that Cruz, who once famously argued against solo masturbation, masturbated to anything besides the sound of his own voice on the Senate floor. Alas, it appears that the Senator has a long-suppressed interest in conservative "erotica," never seen before today.
SEE ALSO: This is your friendly reminder that Ted Cruz has a porn lookalike. Proceed at your own risk.As Ted knows better than anyone else, it's not the size of the government that matters, it's the width.
Here are what we believe are a few of his favorite porn titles.
1. Stroking the Keystone Pipeline
2.We The People of this Hot College Party
Via Giphy3. The 69th Amendment
4. Ayn Randy
5. Climax Change Isn't Real
Via Giphy6. The Pounding Fathers
7. Gangbang of Eight
8. Majority Whipped
9. "The Invisible Hand" job
10. Touch My Private Sector
11. Sexy Nurse Would Fellate You But Socialized Medicine Won't Pay for It
12. The Bicurious Princess Bride
13. The Founding Sugar Daddies
14. Campbell's Soupy Erotic Massage
15. FellaTED
16. Shut Down My Government Until I Say Mercy
17. Biblical Bulge
18.The Freedom Cockus
19. Hot College Cheerleader Shouldn't Get a Government Handout
20. Donald Does Dallas
*record scratch, freeze frame*
— Brandt (@UrbanAchievr) October 6, 2016
Yup. That's me. You might be wondering how I ended up here. pic.twitter.com/LTkx4dG6tS
21. The GOP: Grand Ol' Pussy Party
22. Cruzing for Monogamy
23. Fifty Shades of I'm Not Gay
23. Constitutional Cockservative
We apologize for the preceding list and hope you can forgive us.
Thanks for reading MashableHumor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
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